Hipster Hijinks
Hipster Help Quest
Main Characters / Extra Characters
My Classmates
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Requirements
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Requirements
Olivia: Danny! Just the person I was looking for! I could really use some help...
Danny: Skinny jeans too tight?
Olivia: Hey, there’s no such thing as too tight when it comes to skinny jeans! For reals though, I need to go downtown. There’s something I need to show you there!
Danny: Is there any chance this is going to result in me getting mugged?
Olivia: The risk is part of the ambience!
Time - 8 hours
Olivia leads you to a dingy, run-down coffee shop...
Danny: Where are we?
Olivia: It’s The Ironic Tonic... the least lame coffee shop in the world.
Danny: This place?
Olivia: Uh, yeah? They only play the most obscure bands on the speakers... the clerks talk exclusively in references to 90s pop culture... And best of all, no one’s ever heard of this place!
Danny: So what’s the problem?
Olivia: They’re going out of business because no one ever comes here!
Danny: Looks like the irony’s lost on you... which is, in and of itself, ironic... like some kind of infinite irony vortex...
Olivia: Huh?
Danny: Don’t worry about it. I’ll help you out.
Olivia: So what’s the plan? I was thinking we could start by convincing the world that money’s just a lame social construct...
Danny: Uh... yeah... maybe we should start a little less ambitious. How about giving this place a makeover? I bet it could stay open if it managed to attract a broader crowd... Why don’t we head back to campus and see if we can find you some inspiration?
Requirements
Danny: How’s it going?
Olivia: Amazing! By combining the bold colors of the jocks, the architectural soundness of the nerds, and the laissez-faire attitude of the slackers... I’ve created the perfect retro high school pastiche! And it’s still ironic enough to appeal to hipsters!
Danny: Wow, this place is looking really nice! It’s like a 50s diner meets a Silicon Valley cafeteria meets a shady club! And it somehow works!
Olivia: I know! Business is already up 100%! They had 4 customers instead of 2! ...what else can we do?
Danny: Well, maybe we could take a look at the menu and see if we can add some more variety...
Olivia: Are you kidding? The menu’s amazing! I mean, do you see this? This is 100% organic, fair-trade, free-range, Chilean spider paste! Want some?
Danny: I think I’ll pass for now. Let me see if I can find you someone who’ll help design a more appealing menu... and someone who can make the food look nice...
Requirements
Olivia: Well, guys? What do you think?
Nick: This menu could use... a little work...
Greyson: A little work? It’s downright horrible! Is this how the other half lives?! I mean, this is a coffee shop! Where are the pastries? Where are the cookies? Where, oh where, are the cupcakes?
Olivia: But... cupcakes are so mainstream...
Nick: Why don’t you just let us take a shot at this?
Time - 12 hours
Danny: Mmmm, something is smelling good in here...
Olivia: Right? Greyson took all the organic free-trade fruit and used it to make a bunch of pastries...
Nick: And I decorated them with just the right amount of frosting!
Olivia: They’re like the wizards of food! Oh, that’s a good band name...
Danny: Looks like things are really going well, Olivia...
Olivia: Om nom... I know... and mmmnom... so are these pastries... in my mouth...
Danny: I’m thinking we’re ready to try and drum up some traffic. What do you think of hanging some ads around school?
Olivia: Well, normally, I think marketing is evil... but if it’s for something I believe in, I guess it’s not that bad! If I’m going to do it right, I’ll need to focus... and I’ll need some money.
Requirements
Danny: Hey, Olivia! Looks like you’ve... uh... built some kind of gigantic sculpture... out of cardboard...
Olivia: It’s an avante garde coffee cup! It’s meant to represent the shop!
Danny: I’m not sure people will get it...
Olivia: Uh, yeah? That’s the point!
Olivia: Hmmm... no, this isn’t good at all... The ad is catching people’s interest, but they’re skeptical of going into a hipster coffee shop! They’re worried we’ll all be snobs!
Danny: Yeah... about that... I think you need to do a little PR...
Olivia: Pretentious Rhyming?
Danny: No! Public relations!
Olivia: Awww... because I had just figured out that ‘transcendental’ rhymes with ‘please be gentle’...
Danny: You just need some way to convince people that hipsters are fun to hang out with...
Requirements
Danny: This party’s going really well, Olivia!
Olivia: I know, right? People are having a good time ironically AND sincerely! That’s like the hipster-est thing of all!
Danny: It looks like it’s kind of winding down. If you’re going to get people to that coffee shop, now’s your chance...
Olivia: Ahem! Attention everyone! I’d like to give a little speech... a little speech about the best, little hipster coffee shop in the world... I know what you’re thinking. Hipsters are snobs! They judge things! They wear weird clothes and listen to kooky music! That might be true... but we’re also out there fighting for small businesses... standing up to the corporations... wearing the outfits that just no one else will wear... Ask yourself this... how can something ever be cool... if no one liked it BEFORE it was cool?!
The room bursts into thunderous applause!
Olivia: Now let’s go get some coffee!
Olivia: Danny! Help! It’s an emergency!
Danny: What’s wrong? Did people not go to the shop?
Olivia: No, they did! That’s the emergency! The Ironic Tonic only has one full-time employee! It’s completely understaffed! They need help running it... fast!
Requirements
Olivia: Okay! We’re here! Quick, get to work! I’ll take orders! Danny, make some drinks! And Greyson... go clean the dishes!
Greyson: Seriously? That’s why I came all the way out here?
Olivia: Just do it!
Time - 16 hours
Olivia: One fair trade double-latte espresso with non-fat vanilla soy extract! You got that, Danny?
Danny: Full disclosure, Olivia... I’m just mixing cinnamon, sugar, and whipped cream into everything.
Olivia: Well, it’s working! Everyone’s loving it! And also, weirdly, the spider paste. That stuff is actually pretty good.
Danny: How’re the dishes going, Greyson?
Greyson: They’re dirty dishes, and I’m cleaning them.
Olivia: Good job!
Olivia: Thanks so much for everything, Danny. Everyone coming together to help... it really meant a lot. Thanks to you guys, the Ironic Tonic isn’t just saved... it’s one of the trendiest coffee shops in town!
Danny: Hey, don’t thank me... it was your speech that got everyone out here. You were really something.
Olivia: Heh... thanks.
Danny: So, can I get you a cup of coffee?
Olivia: Actually... I don’t really hang out here anymore...
Danny: What?
Olivia: I’m kind of over coffee, actually. It’s a little played out. But there’s this great place down the alley that does these artisan loose-leaf teas...
Danny: Oh boy.
- Danny
- Olivia
Olivia: Danny! Just the person I was looking for! I could really use some help...
Danny: Skinny jeans too tight?
Olivia: Hey, there’s no such thing as too tight when it comes to skinny jeans! For reals though, I need to go downtown. There’s something I need to show you there!
Danny: Is there any chance this is going to result in me getting mugged?
Olivia: The risk is part of the ambience!
Time - 8 hours
Olivia leads you to a dingy, run-down coffee shop...
Danny: Where are we?
Olivia: It’s The Ironic Tonic... the least lame coffee shop in the world.
Danny: This place?
Olivia: Uh, yeah? They only play the most obscure bands on the speakers... the clerks talk exclusively in references to 90s pop culture... And best of all, no one’s ever heard of this place!
Danny: So what’s the problem?
Olivia: They’re going out of business because no one ever comes here!
Danny: Looks like the irony’s lost on you... which is, in and of itself, ironic... like some kind of infinite irony vortex...
Olivia: Huh?
Danny: Don’t worry about it. I’ll help you out.
Olivia: So what’s the plan? I was thinking we could start by convincing the world that money’s just a lame social construct...
Danny: Uh... yeah... maybe we should start a little less ambitious. How about giving this place a makeover? I bet it could stay open if it managed to attract a broader crowd... Why don’t we head back to campus and see if we can find you some inspiration?
Requirements
- Have 1 Upgraded Jock Hangout
- Have 1 Upgraded Nerd Hangout
Danny: How’s it going?
Olivia: Amazing! By combining the bold colors of the jocks, the architectural soundness of the nerds, and the laissez-faire attitude of the slackers... I’ve created the perfect retro high school pastiche! And it’s still ironic enough to appeal to hipsters!
Danny: Wow, this place is looking really nice! It’s like a 50s diner meets a Silicon Valley cafeteria meets a shady club! And it somehow works!
Olivia: I know! Business is already up 100%! They had 4 customers instead of 2! ...what else can we do?
Danny: Well, maybe we could take a look at the menu and see if we can add some more variety...
Olivia: Are you kidding? The menu’s amazing! I mean, do you see this? This is 100% organic, fair-trade, free-range, Chilean spider paste! Want some?
Danny: I think I’ll pass for now. Let me see if I can find you someone who’ll help design a more appealing menu... and someone who can make the food look nice...
Requirements
- Olivia
- A Level 7+ Prep (Greyson)
- A Level 6+ Artist (Nick)
Olivia: Well, guys? What do you think?
Nick: This menu could use... a little work...
Greyson: A little work? It’s downright horrible! Is this how the other half lives?! I mean, this is a coffee shop! Where are the pastries? Where are the cookies? Where, oh where, are the cupcakes?
Olivia: But... cupcakes are so mainstream...
Nick: Why don’t you just let us take a shot at this?
Time - 12 hours
Danny: Mmmm, something is smelling good in here...
Olivia: Right? Greyson took all the organic free-trade fruit and used it to make a bunch of pastries...
Nick: And I decorated them with just the right amount of frosting!
Olivia: They’re like the wizards of food! Oh, that’s a good band name...
Danny: Looks like things are really going well, Olivia...
Olivia: Om nom... I know... and mmmnom... so are these pastries... in my mouth...
Danny: I’m thinking we’re ready to try and drum up some traffic. What do you think of hanging some ads around school?
Olivia: Well, normally, I think marketing is evil... but if it’s for something I believe in, I guess it’s not that bad! If I’m going to do it right, I’ll need to focus... and I’ll need some money.
Requirements
- Level a Hipster
- Spend 62,000 coins
Danny: Hey, Olivia! Looks like you’ve... uh... built some kind of gigantic sculpture... out of cardboard...
Olivia: It’s an avante garde coffee cup! It’s meant to represent the shop!
Danny: I’m not sure people will get it...
Olivia: Uh, yeah? That’s the point!
Olivia: Hmmm... no, this isn’t good at all... The ad is catching people’s interest, but they’re skeptical of going into a hipster coffee shop! They’re worried we’ll all be snobs!
Danny: Yeah... about that... I think you need to do a little PR...
Olivia: Pretentious Rhyming?
Danny: No! Public relations!
Olivia: Awww... because I had just figured out that ‘transcendental’ rhymes with ‘please be gentle’...
Danny: You just need some way to convince people that hipsters are fun to hang out with...
Requirements
- Complete a Party with a Hipster
Danny: This party’s going really well, Olivia!
Olivia: I know, right? People are having a good time ironically AND sincerely! That’s like the hipster-est thing of all!
Danny: It looks like it’s kind of winding down. If you’re going to get people to that coffee shop, now’s your chance...
Olivia: Ahem! Attention everyone! I’d like to give a little speech... a little speech about the best, little hipster coffee shop in the world... I know what you’re thinking. Hipsters are snobs! They judge things! They wear weird clothes and listen to kooky music! That might be true... but we’re also out there fighting for small businesses... standing up to the corporations... wearing the outfits that just no one else will wear... Ask yourself this... how can something ever be cool... if no one liked it BEFORE it was cool?!
The room bursts into thunderous applause!
Olivia: Now let’s go get some coffee!
Olivia: Danny! Help! It’s an emergency!
Danny: What’s wrong? Did people not go to the shop?
Olivia: No, they did! That’s the emergency! The Ironic Tonic only has one full-time employee! It’s completely understaffed! They need help running it... fast!
Requirements
- Danny
- Olivia
- A Level 7+ Classmate (Greyson)
Olivia: Okay! We’re here! Quick, get to work! I’ll take orders! Danny, make some drinks! And Greyson... go clean the dishes!
Greyson: Seriously? That’s why I came all the way out here?
Olivia: Just do it!
Time - 16 hours
Olivia: One fair trade double-latte espresso with non-fat vanilla soy extract! You got that, Danny?
Danny: Full disclosure, Olivia... I’m just mixing cinnamon, sugar, and whipped cream into everything.
Olivia: Well, it’s working! Everyone’s loving it! And also, weirdly, the spider paste. That stuff is actually pretty good.
Danny: How’re the dishes going, Greyson?
Greyson: They’re dirty dishes, and I’m cleaning them.
Olivia: Good job!
Olivia: Thanks so much for everything, Danny. Everyone coming together to help... it really meant a lot. Thanks to you guys, the Ironic Tonic isn’t just saved... it’s one of the trendiest coffee shops in town!
Danny: Hey, don’t thank me... it was your speech that got everyone out here. You were really something.
Olivia: Heh... thanks.
Danny: So, can I get you a cup of coffee?
Olivia: Actually... I don’t really hang out here anymore...
Danny: What?
Olivia: I’m kind of over coffee, actually. It’s a little played out. But there’s this great place down the alley that does these artisan loose-leaf teas...
Danny: Oh boy.