Break-Ups
This is an incomplete list of break-ups.
'One' and 'Two' are the names I have given to the classmates in the break-up, in the order they speak.
'One' and 'Two' are the names I have given to the classmates in the break-up, in the order they speak.
Bad Kisser
One: Look, Two, it’s over. It’s not you, it’s me. I’m just not at a point in my life where I’m ready for this kind of a relationship. It’s all very complicated and emotional.
Two: Am I a bad kisser?
One: You’re not good, no.
Yikes... Two and One broke up because Two was a bad kisser!
One: Look, Two, it’s over. It’s not you, it’s me. I’m just not at a point in my life where I’m ready for this kind of a relationship. It’s all very complicated and emotional.
Two: Am I a bad kisser?
One: You’re not good, no.
Yikes... Two and One broke up because Two was a bad kisser!
Cell Phone Games
One: I’m sorry, Two, it’s just not working out. You’re cute and nice, but I can’t date someone who spends so much time playing games on their phone!
Two: But this game is so good! It’s got a strong narrative, compelling characters, and a rich universe! Look! I even made little version of us, and made them date!
One: Yeah... I think it’d be better if you just made them friends from now on.
Oh no! One dumped Two for spending way too much time playing cell phone games!
One: I’m sorry, Two, it’s just not working out. You’re cute and nice, but I can’t date someone who spends so much time playing games on their phone!
Two: But this game is so good! It’s got a strong narrative, compelling characters, and a rich universe! Look! I even made little version of us, and made them date!
One: Yeah... I think it’d be better if you just made them friends from now on.
Oh no! One dumped Two for spending way too much time playing cell phone games!
Cheating
One: I can’t believe it! I saw you kissing someone ELSE yesterday!
Two: That wasn’t me! I never go to the park!
One: I never SAID anything about the park!
Two: Oh, uh... you look nice today!
One: Save it. We’re OVER.
Two got busted by One for cheating!
One: I can’t believe it! I saw you kissing someone ELSE yesterday!
Two: That wasn’t me! I never go to the park!
One: I never SAID anything about the park!
Two: Oh, uh... you look nice today!
One: Save it. We’re OVER.
Two got busted by One for cheating!
Focus
One: I’m sorry, Two... I can’t hang around you anymore. I’m trying to focus on school, and you’re not helping.
Two: What? That’s ridiculous! I help you all the time! Name a time I didn’t help!
One: There was last week when I made a bunch of cupcakes for the bake sale, and you ate all of them... and the other day when you ‘helped’ me with homework by stealing the answers from the teacher...
Two: Well... fine then! I suppose next you’re going to bring up the time I lit your science fair project on fire!
One: That may have been the final straw, yes!
One and Two broke up because Two's a bad influence!
One: I’m sorry, Two... I can’t hang around you anymore. I’m trying to focus on school, and you’re not helping.
Two: What? That’s ridiculous! I help you all the time! Name a time I didn’t help!
One: There was last week when I made a bunch of cupcakes for the bake sale, and you ate all of them... and the other day when you ‘helped’ me with homework by stealing the answers from the teacher...
Two: Well... fine then! I suppose next you’re going to bring up the time I lit your science fair project on fire!
One: That may have been the final straw, yes!
One and Two broke up because Two's a bad influence!
Friends
One: What do you mean, all your friends hate me? I’M your friend too, and I don’t hate me!
Two: Look, One, my friends aren’t inviting me out with them anymore because they can’t stand you. I’m sorry, but it’s over.
One: B-but... what’d I do?!
Two: Uh, I don’t know. How about last night when we all went bowling and you mercilessly mocked everybody?
One: But they were SO BAD at it!
All of Two's friends hate One, so their relationship was dead on arrival!
One: What do you mean, all your friends hate me? I’M your friend too, and I don’t hate me!
Two: Look, One, my friends aren’t inviting me out with them anymore because they can’t stand you. I’m sorry, but it’s over.
One: B-but... what’d I do?!
Two: Uh, I don’t know. How about last night when we all went bowling and you mercilessly mocked everybody?
One: But they were SO BAD at it!
All of Two's friends hate One, so their relationship was dead on arrival!
Insensitive
One: Hey, wait a minute, Two! I don’t get why you’re breaking up with me...
Two: What? I just explained why! You’re completely self-absorbed! You never listen to what I’m saying! You’re always thinking about yourself or your hair or how awesome your car is!
One: It is a pretty awesome car...
Two: Ugh! See?!
One: Wait... sorry, what were you saying?
One was being insensitive to Two... and they broke up!
One: Hey, wait a minute, Two! I don’t get why you’re breaking up with me...
Two: What? I just explained why! You’re completely self-absorbed! You never listen to what I’m saying! You’re always thinking about yourself or your hair or how awesome your car is!
One: It is a pretty awesome car...
Two: Ugh! See?!
One: Wait... sorry, what were you saying?
One was being insensitive to Two... and they broke up!
Movie
One: I can’t believe you think that movie was ‘just all right!’ It was BRILLIANT!
Two: Not my fault you have crappy taste in movies!
One: Well, apparently not as crappy as my choice of DATE! We’re done!
One: I can’t believe you think that movie was ‘just all right!’ It was BRILLIANT!
Two: Not my fault you have crappy taste in movies!
One: Well, apparently not as crappy as my choice of DATE! We’re done!
Photos
One: I’m so mad at you! How could you show your friends those photos? They were personal!
Two: You looked good in them! It was a compliment!
One: Yeah? Well, I hope they want to see a photo of me dumping you... Because we are OVER!
Two showed people some personal pics from One... and got dumped!
One: I’m so mad at you! How could you show your friends those photos? They were personal!
Two: You looked good in them! It was a compliment!
One: Yeah? Well, I hope they want to see a photo of me dumping you... Because we are OVER!
Two showed people some personal pics from One... and got dumped!
Space
One: Look, Two, I need some space. I think you may be overly attached.
Two: What?! Is this because I make sketches of you napping in class?
One: How is that even possible? We don’t have classes together!
Two: I sketch them from memory. You look so peaceful! By the way, can I at least keep this lock of your hair?!
One: That’s... creepy.
One just kicked Two to the curb for being waaaay too clingy!
One: Look, Two, I need some space. I think you may be overly attached.
Two: What?! Is this because I make sketches of you napping in class?
One: How is that even possible? We don’t have classes together!
Two: I sketch them from memory. You look so peaceful! By the way, can I at least keep this lock of your hair?!
One: That’s... creepy.
One just kicked Two to the curb for being waaaay too clingy!
Stink
One: You’re breaking up with me?! Why?!
Two: How can I put this delicately? You... stink.
One: So maybe I haven’t been very attentive lately but I wouldn’t say that I stink at being--
Two: No. Like, you stink. You smell bad. You need to take a shower. And use deodorant. And soap. And burn you clothes.
Two dumped One because One is a smelly slob!
One: You’re breaking up with me?! Why?!
Two: How can I put this delicately? You... stink.
One: So maybe I haven’t been very attentive lately but I wouldn’t say that I stink at being--
Two: No. Like, you stink. You smell bad. You need to take a shower. And use deodorant. And soap. And burn you clothes.
Two dumped One because One is a smelly slob!